I Love You Now

His eyes were wide with disbelief as I climbed into bed to snuggle him. At two years old, he didn’t foresee this wonderful benefit of his new “big boy bed.” I knew he would ask for a hug as soon as I laid down, and I waited for his perfect, priceless words, “Buckle me up Mommy, buckle me up.”

Cuddled and covered with a blue ducky blanket, he gazed at me and gently rubbed my face. I jokingly asked, “Do you think you’re going to love me this much when you’re a teenager?” He shrugged his shoulders and said, “I love you now.”

I love you now.

Nothing like having a toddler put life right into focus!

Now.

Now is the only moment we have, yet so often we can be anywhere but here.

As another school year comes to a close, I find myself either looking back or racing forward. Remember when. Only a few more years until. Those were the days. Won’t it be simpler as soon as.

And all the while, there is so much right in front of me to embrace and enjoy – so much that deserves my full attention. It’s easy to miss what God has planned if I’m always pushing out of the present.

Do you ever feel this distraction, the sense that your feet are in one place but your head is in another?

I’ve been trying to embrace a mindset of more fully experiencing right now, asking myself throughout the day, “Am I here?” Frequently I am not! I’m either processing something that has already happened or planning for whatever is up next. What I have noticed, however, is when I consciously engage in the moment (right down to the rhythm of my breathing) even the smallest tasks become vibrant. I put down my phone and look around; I listen more attentively and appreciate simple treasures that I might have rushed right past; I feel serenity replacing stress.

When we are truly seeing the day in front of us, there is more than enough to handle and more than enough to enjoy. We can let go of what else, what if, and what next, and just sit for a while in what is, trusting that God has us right where we need to be.

That sweet little boy now takes up most of the bed and he no longer asks me to “buckle him up.” But he does still ask me to hang out with him for a few minutes at the end of each day. Those moments are gold – one-on-one time to hear his thoughts, to reflect on the day, to be together, to pray together. And I want to be all in. Forgetting the ten more things that need to happen before I can go to bed too. Resisting the urge to startle at how fast the years are going. I want to give him all that I have right then – the gift of I love you now.

“Wherever you are, be all there.” Jim Elliott