Perfect Parent

The baby was quite done with the grocery store outing and he was making his discontent known. I picked up the pace as I pushed my toddler and pre-schooler in the massive cart. You know the one- it looks like a car (except thankfully with two steering wheels), and it moves through the aisles with the grace of a wild bull.

In my haste, trying to get out of there with some dignity intact, I crashed into a cracker display and the whole thing came tumbling down. Sleep deprived and fragile, I could feel the tears welling up. Just then, a sweet, well-meaning woman spoke the words that we often hear as parents of young children: “Oh honey, it goes by so fast- enjoy every minute of it.”

I tackled her. Just kidding, I smiled and contemplated asking her to come home with me to help me get through the afternoon.

As it turned out, she was right. Well, maybe not the part about EVERY minute. There is something in each stage with our kids that is just plain hard. But there’s so much beauty too, even in the challenges. And holy moly…it does go fast.

Last week I officially became the mom of a teenager! With each milestone that my kids reach, I find myself reflecting on the awesome journey of parenting. Witnessing their transformation through the years is nothing short of miraculous; and I grow and change right along with them.

As I pause to process the complex, breathtaking art of parenting, a great truth spoken by Maya Angelou is sitting on my heart. She said: “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Although this is one of my favorite quotes, I have never thought about it through the lens of a parent. At the end of the day, when all is said and done, how do I want my children to feel?

I want them to feel loved.

I want them to feel safe.

I want them to feel heard.

I want them to feel empowered.

I want them to feel respected.

And now for the big ole whammy of a follow up question that I’m not sure I really want to dig down deep to answer…

Are the things that I do and say in my daily parenting consistent with this desired outcome?

Yikes.

Now I’m sweating. Please tell me you are thinking this through for yourself too so I’m not in this alone.

Let’s start here- I am an imperfect parent. There are situations that cause me to feel unqualified and left to wonder how I could possibly be responsible for these precious lives. I have moments when I lose my cool and raise my voice. I have an unappealing tendency to be a bit of a nag, often the result of my own inconsistency or disorganization. And if I’m really being honest, I don’t prioritize quality time with my kids as much as I would like to. It is very easy to get into a rut of asking them to wait, wait, wait, while doing things for them rather than with them.

I can also say that I am fully dedicated to my role as a mother, actively seeking ways to continually improve. I overflow with love and affection for my kids and they know it. We spend a lot of time laughing. And I am committed to giving them “good home training” (as my co-workers and I referred to it while working with college students).

I strive each day to parent intentionally rather than reactively.

And I fall short on a regular basis.

Why?

Because my children have one perfect parent and it is not me. My husband is an extraordinary dad, but I’m not referring to him either.

Many years ago we went away to a Christian parenting conference, and an image was shared in one of the sessions that has never left me. Using only words, the presenter painted a beautiful picture of a woman being asked to make a pot out of clay. After expressing her complete lack of ability to do so, the potter took her hands in his and guided her through every step until a magnificent vessel had been created. The words that I wrote in my notebook that day were also written on my heart: “Do not allow your fingers to resist mine.”

Our hands are covered in clay as we shape the children God has blessed us with, but He is the perfect parent eager to help us. We only need to ask…and then receive.

When I fully depend on God’s hands to guide mine, my words and actions become much more in sync with my desired parenting outcome. I find wisdom, patience, strength, and the indescribable peace of His presence.

I hope these reflections have encouraged you today if you are also traveling along a parenting journey. What a comfort to trust that we are not left to do this on our own. AND…we are not expected to have it all figured out. So with that said- go on and enjoy it honey! Every minute of it. It goes by so fast:)

God’s way is perfect. All the Lord’s promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to him for protection. Psalm 18:30